is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
