I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
