your thong is hanging out like whoa
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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