I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
