Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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