i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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