I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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