is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
