I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
