yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
