the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
