I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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