Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
