The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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