im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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