I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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