Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
