If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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