he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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