She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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