The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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