Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
