Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
