i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
