i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i will never coherently bang her
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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