Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I supernannyed him into submission
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
