win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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