evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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