Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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