You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize