Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
