I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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