I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
