I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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