my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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