I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize