ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
