I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
