I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
