I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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