Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
