It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
