my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
