so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
