as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
