did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
