Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
