if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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