I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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