once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
