I'm eating all of the evidence.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
