I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
