He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
