Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I love having hate sex.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
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almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
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I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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