i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Operation Purity has been aborted
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
