Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
