she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
