My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
