There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
