kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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