What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
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Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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