My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
