Pappa wants mamma naked
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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