What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
