Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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