not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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