soooo we both peed the bed last night...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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