I wish I only lived at night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
