my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
