Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
