I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
