Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
