In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
