Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I AM VODKA MAN
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
