hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
