seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
