VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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