Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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