im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize