Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
