Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it hurts more in the daytime
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
