There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh god the rape fog is back!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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