My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
high people should be assigned attendants
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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